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This Was Never the Plan
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This Was Never the Plan

Walking with God Through the Heartache of Divorce

By Vaneetha Rendall Risner, foreword by Paul David Tripp
from 9 reviews

Honest, compassionate guidance for navigating the heartache of divorce, rooted in God’s word and based on personal experience.

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Description

Divorce brings a storm of emotions—grief, anger, confusion and shame. Yet while the ache lingers, life goes on.

Vaneetha Risner has walked through this pain. In this hopeful and honest book, she draws from Scripture and her own story to offer compassionate wisdom on...

  • Finding emotional clarity and letting go of shame
  • Trusting God in the uncertainties ahead
  • Healing relationally, resisting bitterness and finding community
  • Nurturing hope for the future

She also shares about navigating single parenting, church, dating and the work of rebuilding.

Whether you are in the early stages of divorce or beginning to restore your life, this book points to Christ’s faithful presence every step of the way. Helpful “check-ins” throughout invite you to pause, reflect and take hold of God again and again.

Includes appendices to guide friends and church leaders in supporting you.

Product details

Contents

  • Foreword by Paul David Tripp

    1. The Undoing
    2. Tears, Fears, and the Tenderness of God
    3. Letting Go Without Giving In
    4. The Lies We Believe and the Grace That We Need
    5. Reassessing, Rebuilding, and Rekindling Joy
    6. Parenting on Empty
    7. The Church, the Crowd, and the Friends Who Stayed
    8. Dating and the R Word
    9. Hope on the Horizon

    Questions for Personal Reflection or Discussion

    Appendix: How to Show Up When a Friend's Marriage Ends

    Appendix: Some Helpful Forms for Communicating with Friends and Church 

    Appendix: Helpful Resources on What the Bible Teaches 


Specification

Contributors Vaneetha Rendall Risner, Paul David Tripp
ISBN 9781802544145
Format Paperback
First published April 2026
Dimensions 135mm x 216mm x 13mm
Weight 0.24 kg
Language English
Pages 192
Publisher The Good Book Company
Endorsements

Barnabas Piper

Author and podcaster

Vaneetha takes on a sensitive, deeply personal, potentially embarrassing reality with clarity and honesty yet without rancor or malice. As someone who has been through a divorce in similar circumstances to hers, I can attest to the painful yet healing accuracy of her wisdom in these pages. And I can attest to the unfailing hope she points the reader to in Christ, without flippancy or pat answers. Prior to this book, I knew of no books on divorce I would actually be willing to hand to a person navigating that devastating reality. Now I have one, and I am grateful for it!


Elyse Fitzpatrick

Author and Speaker

No one begins a marriage saying, ‘I sure hope I’ll get to walk through a divorce,’ and yet so many of us end up facing the realities of shattered dreams and broken promises. Once again, my friend Vaneetha Risner has parlayed her suffering into deep understanding, scriptural fidelity, and gracious blessing. I strongly recommend this resource, for those who are facing divorce and also for those who are seeking to help.


David Mathis

Executive Editor at desiringGod.org and author of Habits of Grace

Our God hates divorce. So do his people. We grieve the sin and profound hurt that lead to and come from divorces. As Jesus says, it was not this way from the beginning. Yet mourn them as we do, they happen, and so tragically often in our day, and many of Christ’s people are left aching and searching for Christian counsel in their devastation. Vaneetha has not only walked with faith through this devastation but has been courageous enough to answer the call to help other Christians who are hurting. This book is no celebration of divorce but an offer of real, solid Christian hope in the midst of one of life’s greatest anguishes. I pray this book will help you move forward in Jesus and draw closer to him in your pain.”

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Customer reviews


28 Apr 2026

“A Wonderful, Practical Guide to Healing”

This is an abridged version of my original review, which is available here: https://www.lifeisstory.com/nonfiction/this-was-never-the-plan-walking-with-god-through-the-heartache-of-divorce-vaneetha-rendall-risner/

This book is full of wisdom for Christians who are navigating an unwanted separation or divorce. Author Vaneetha Rendall Risner shares vulnerable stories and insights from her own experiences, and she unpacks common struggles that Christians face. For example, she writes about ways that Christians might question where God is in all of this, especially if they expected a healthy, thriving marriage as a reward for their own personal obedience. This book encourages Christians to be honest about their doubts and struggles with God, and to allow themselves to experience their difficult emotions over such a life-shattering event, instead of pretending that they have it all together.

The author's personal honesty makes this book especially meaningful, because she gives you a window into her own thoughts and struggles, including with parenting her teenage daughters after their father abandoned the family. She offers an honest assessment of her failings, and she offers practical advice that goes beyond general principles. She reflects in another chapter about ways divorce may affect someone's friendships, family relationships, and situation at church. In all of this, she writes with grace and insight, and she also includes helpful advice for people who are reading this book as part of a divorced loved one's support system.

I highly recommend this thought-provoking, wise, and helpful resource. Rendall Risner draws on Scripture in every chapter, providing a deeply biblical look at lament, forgiveness, healing, and finding joy again. This book will bless many suffering people through its raw honesty, practical insights, and biblically grounded messages of hope.

I received a complimentary copy from the publisher, and am voluntarily leaving an honest review.

Thanks so much for sharing this review, Bethany!


17 Apr 2026

“Compassion and Healing”

In This Was Never the Plan, Vaneetha Rendall Risner shows you how to walk with God through the heartache of divorce. Having experienced divorce herself, she writes not only as an honest guide but also as a comforting friend.

I was most challenged by her discussion of battling bitterness—how to move beyond it and embrace the freedom of forgiveness. It made me reflect on my own need to forgive and be forgiven, and the power that this holds. I was deeply humbled by Risner’s journal entries. She shares them throughout the book, giving an honest look at her raw emotions.

Compassion and Healing

As a parent, I felt the pressure of supporting children through divorce. Risner offers practical tips throughout her book, but her wisdom also shines through when she reminds us to play the long game and that God doesn’t judge our outcomes, only our faithfulness.

Loneliness and shame were especially poignant sections, as I considered the role I have to play as a member of my local church. To be a friend and provide a place of belonging are privileges. This is a compassionate book that encourages healing, reflection, and a closer walk with God through life’s hardest seasons.

I received a media copy of This Was Never the Plan and this is my honest review.

Thanks so much for your review!


16 Apr 2026

“Very Understanding”

This is a deeply personal and compassionate exploration of faith in the aftermath of divorce. Drawing from her own experience, the writer offers a blend of memoir, biblical reflection, and practical guidance aimed at Christians navigating the emotional turmoil of a broken marriage.

I got this book for someone who is going through the process of Divorce and wanted to read it first before giving it to them. This book I found very helpful myself as I pastor someone through it. It is very accessible and reflective. It is very personal and the writer opens up honestly about her struggles and heartache. She addresses the real life challenges of single parenting teenagers, church community, dating again and her personal walk and faith with the LORD.

Overall, it is a thoughtful and encouraging read that offers comfort and direction to those rebuilding their lives after divorce, reminding them that hope and healing are still possible.

Steven, thank you so much for sharing this review. We're encouraged to hear that this has helped you as you seek to pastor someone else, and we hope that it proves to be encouraging to its intended recipient as well!


15 Apr 2026

“So encouraging!”

When first I began reading "This Was Never the Plan," I thought Vaneetha Risner’s book would not pertain to me. The reason for this false assumption was the fact that our divorce circumstances were so different. Vaneetha faced infidelity and her husband wanted a divorce; I was married to a very angry man and I was the one who eventually pursued a divorce. Although I pursued the divorce, it was not my plan! I was torn - I knew I had to live a peaceful life; but I also knew that God hates divorce. I was filled with shame.

Her book turned out to be so helpful and encouraging! I highly recommend that anyone going through a divorce (no matter the circumstances) to purchase this book! It has been useful to me and I ordered an extra copy to pass on to someone who may need it. Throughout this book, Vaneetha shares the love of God for me and I am learning that my divorce did not change that fact! I especially love the way Vaneetha closed her story – buy the book and then cherish the last two paragraphs in the final chapter!

We're so glad that this book was helpful and encouraging to you, Clare! Thank you so much for sharing your review.


8 Apr 2026

“Honest, insightful, reflective, and ultimately healing”

I found this book to be a heartfelt and honest immersion into divorce and the life after. We may have different circumstances involved in our own stories, but there are some common threads here that resonated with me. Even years after my own divorce, I found a different level of depth than I've found elsewhere and encountered some healing that had been very elusive to me. In other words, this one hit home and left me hopeful. So helpful for me, but also helpful to those just encountering divorce or even those coming alongside. A great read!

Thank you for sharing your review with us, Lance. We are so glad you found this book to be helpful to you.


7 Apr 2026

“Helpful for those walking alongside too”

Even those who haven't personally walked through a divorce can benefit from this book.

I have not personally walked through divorce, but have a friend who currently is. I originally got this book to pass along to my friend and decided to skim it myself first. What started as a skim ended up being a great, personal look at how the author walked through her divorce, and how I can walk alongside my friend. I really loved the appendix in the back titled "How to Show Up when a Friend's Marriage Ends", which is written specifically to the friends of loved ones walking through divorce. There is also a chapter titled "The Church, the Crowd, and the Friends who Stayed" that I personally found helpful as well.

I think the author successfully did exactly what she set out to do with this book, which is provide a resource she wish she had when walking through her divorce.

Thank you for this thoughtful review, Paris! And thank you for reading this book and caring for your friend.


4 Apr 2026

“Just what I’ve been thinking…”

In “This Was Never the Plan”, Vaneetha has captured what I have been thinking, experiencing, feeling, since my own divorce 10 yrs ago. She has surrounded the emotional and physical turmoil of divorce with - “what does the Word of God have to say…” Her lens is always through Father God’s - as He alone is our Rock that we cling to, in all life’s traumas.
Thank you Vaneetha for writing so honestly

Thanks so much for sharing this review, Nina! We're so glad to hear that this book was an encouragement to you!


31 Mar 2026

“Vulnerable and Healing Words”

I have not walked through divorce myself but I have witnessed close friends endure that trial and honestly I had no idea how to navigate that season alongside them. I wish I had this book back then.

Vaneetha peels back the layers of her story with beautiful vulnerability that is comforting to those who have experienced divorce and informative for friends and family who want to understand and care well for a loved one facing divorce.

She shares snippets from her journals in the fresh days of her divorce which was so helpful and I think helps her practical tips land well. She’s not just offering wisdom that’s good and true theologically, but that’s lived.

She even admits to mistakes she made with handling her divorce and offers advice on how someone could better handle feelings and frustrations that come with divorce like anger and unforgiveness.

While this book is filled with her personal testimony, she did a great job at including scripture that’s helpful (stories like Joseph and the Prodigal Son as great biblical examples of forgiveness) This book’s main goal is to point the reader to Jesus.

I really enjoyed this book and the footnotes (not a usual thing I would comment on in a review, but they were great!)


Overall I recommend this book and am so grateful for Vaneetha continually providing helpful insights to equip the church in biblically handling different forms of trials and suffering.

What this book does not include is in depth commentary (she briefly mentions adultery and abandonment early on but it’s not extensive) on biblical reasons to divorce and grounds for remarriage. Vaneetha actually advises the reader to get before the Bible and seek out their church leadership on those matters. I think this approach was wise based on the flow of the book.

I received a complimentary copy as a reviewer, all opinions shared are my own.


12 Mar 2026

“Encouragement and reflection”

In This Was Never the Plan, Vaneetha Risner writes about her learning experience through an unwanted divorce. I was encouraged by her reflections of the way God invited her into a deeper relationship with Him and strengthened her even though she could not see the outcome.
Vaneetha reminds us that “The gospel is for all of us, offering grace in our failures and hope for redemption, wherever we find ourselves.” Whatever we are going through we can bring it to God, he knows our limits, he strengthens us, and he offers us mercy. Alternately, if we hold on to bitterness we create a barrier in our relationship with God.
You will find discussion questions that can facilitate reflection for yourself or conversation for a small group.

An additional resource is her chapter outlining what it looks like for an individual or the church to walk alongside someone going through a season of divorce. What a blessing to offer our time and abilities to serve someone through their suffering.

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This Was Never the Plan | Vaneetha Rendall Risner, Paul David Tripp |
$24.99